Thank you for these additional points.

Your attitude and successful integration in to your local expat community are to be applauded.

Susan — Editor

1) Respect the country you reside in by ernestly learning the local language.
2) Try to live as close to the lifestyle of the locals as possible.
3) Eat their food, sing their songs, etc.

I live in Thailand were many expats absolutely REFUSE to learn the local language despite the fact that most of them receive a huge pension check from their government and could easily afford a personal live-in tutor!!!

These same people live in lavish homes, drive expensive cars, insist on eating “civilized” food (i.e. western meals)

The greatest offenders in this area are Brits, Aussies and Americans respectively.

I am so embarrassed by the blatently arrogant, condescending behavior of expats that I no longer associate with them. Almost all of my closest friends are Thai.

Consequently, I have almost no trouble living here. I pay the same low price as the Thais do for rent, food etc.

Attitude is everything!

I spent a year teaching in Pretoria. Language is not a problem in South Africa, unless you go out into the rural areas where they might speak an African language (Zulu, Ndebele, Sesotho, etc.) or Afrikaans, but not English. The biggest cultural difference there was “African time,” which means they don’t have the same sense of urgency about doing things as Americans. It makes no difference what color they are, by the way. When a South African says, “I’ll do it just now,” he means whenever he gets around to it. He doesn’t mean immediately. If you expect prompt action, then their apparent lackadaisical attitude could be infuriating.

Personally, I think they have the right idea. It’s one reason why I loved living there. That and the warmth and optimism of the people there.

As for China, the biggest adjustment for me is still the language. I came here a year ago with no language skills, but still managed to travel from Hong Kong to Hunan under my own power. I came to teach English at a university, so there are many people who speak English, at various levels of fluency. The Hunan people are also warm and friendly, so I felt at home almost immediately.

Like the author says, getting ill can be the make-or-break point for some ex-pats. I did pick up some kind of stomach flu (or bad food – I still don’t know) that kept me down for two days. My students, friends and co-workers called me for those two days to make sure I was OK, or to ask if I needed to see a doctor, or if I needed anything. It was about a month later that I decided to stay here at least another year. I might learn some Chinese by then.

One thing Susan didn’t mention is that a lot of ex-pats are basically homeless. We leave the USA behind and become nomads in some ways. So, if the sense of being rootless bothers you, you might consider maintaining your home in the States until you find out of living overseas is the deal for you. In my case, I was renting a house and my lease expired the month before I left. My landlord let me rent for three weeks pro rata, so that was not a problem. I was living alone, since my wife and I have split and my kids are all grown. I decided to ditch a lot of belongings, store the precious family mementos with my stepsons, and jump into China with both feet. A year later, I still feel I made the right choice.

As they say, results may vary.

However, it would be interesting to examine why these outlined sources of inadaptation happen to expatriates by choice AND NOT TO DIPLOMATS , people working for foreign governments.

Diplomats rarely have financial problems when moving overseas, move within the circle of other diplomats for social and business relations.

They also go back home generally once a year for vacation.

Maybe SELF expatriates should model their behavior as much as possible on Diplomats.